KEEPING IT REAL

Some days, I sit to write these blog posts and I am filled with optimism, hope, and positive advice. Other days, I am filled with worry, negative scenario planning, and unhelpful self talk. And on those other days, I choose not to write.

Some of you might think that I am all sunshine and rainbows. I am not. I am a fellow traveler who is learning as she goes. I have setbacks, failures, and even bad days. I have people I don’t care for, annoying tasks to complete, and life problems just like you. I even have a cadre of old problems that I am dealing with as they come up. And when they do make their way to the surface, I take a few moments to tend to myself and figure out what I need.

Often what I need is to let go of an old limiting belief and find relief. Often what I need is a sharp focus on the expectations I place on others so that I can soften them. Often what I need is a hefty dose of self love to find my way back.

I don’t often write about those low moments because frankly they are not my best moments. They aren’t situations I feel proud of. They aren’t situations that I feel great about sharing.

But today, I thought I would share one as a way of saying, I got crap going on too.

I have a job that pays my bills and gives me content for my writing. It’s a job that I used to love, as I am surrounded by a team of people I love. That job, however, has lost its shine for me, as I have realized that I would rather be writing than attending meetings on climate change. I realized that I would rather be leading one of my courses than writing a monthly report. I realized that I would rather be engaged in an awesome discussion with one of my readers than sitting in a meeting telling people why their conduct poses legal risk to the company.

In that realization, I found myself in a funk because I had that realization as I was returning to my desk after lunch with a friend. Instead of an afternoon of writing ahead of me, I had an afternoon of scheduled check-ins and meeting preparations. And a tiny part of me cried out and said, I don’t think I can pretend anymore that I enjoy this job.

That’s what I have been doing. Pretending. And it’s worked so well that I fooled myself. I tricked myself into believing that a job that merely paid the bills was enough for me. I tricked myself into believing that a job that came easy to me was enough for me. I tricked myself into believing that a job that was here was better than the job that wasn’t here yet. In other words, I tricked myself into staying put, even though my heart was already out the door.

And here is where the Universe always scores points with me. Just as I lamented my return to work after a fun lunch with a friend, my afternoon cleared and my schedule became my own again. Just as I was bemoaning the other work I needed to do, the inspiration for this post came to me. Just when I felt like I was trapped, I saw a glimmer of hope that said, You can ease your way out this job one day at a time.

Which is what I am doing. I am working toward a model of getting paid for what I create. It’s a model that has withstood the test of time, yet many of us creators are still sheepish about asking for payment for doing something we love. Here is why.

When you spend time doing something you love, you would gladly work for free. When you are engaged in something that springs from the heart, you can’t not do the work. When you are in love with life and what you are creating, you have a tendency to want to share your work with the world, even if no on is willing to pay for that work.

Which creates an odd conundrum for creators. The thing that brings them joy is the thing that they are giving away. The thing that the world needs—more individual, authentic expression—is the thing that they can’t stop doing. The thing that they most need—paying customers—is the thing that feels far from their reach as they are on a path of giving things away.

So I confronted my own limiting beliefs around my ability to be paid for what I am creating. I surrendered them all and sat down to write a new list of ideas that I needed to support me. And with one idea at a time, I created a new belief in my worthiness to be paid for what I create.

Spirituality only helps when we bring it into our days. Into our lives. Into our jobs. And that’s what I am doing. I am blending up all parts of my current life into one big party that is my life so that I can sashay to the next phase of life feeling good.

My job? I will still be in it for awhile. And while I am, I am going to love it, learn from it, and embrace my current reality as just what I need to set myself up for success.